I am going back to blogger..... http://lonesomhel.blogspot.com/

acutally I serious have no idea what I am doing here.. ^_^..
HIIIIIII

I am going to do one long post.. but I think I am going to fragment it.. don't want a wall of text suddenly.. so I will split it up to a few parts I think.. don't know how much I will be typing anyway.

Not going to bother where I left off before this long post so I will say whatever I can remember and feel up to now.. this moment.

Exams are over.. not like I really bothered about it to begain with.. its bad I know but its over, no point looking back right?

I thought that each time I go out, it will be better, stronger.. like those contact glue that requires drying before sticking.. a long time but a strong bond..
Maybe its me.. or whatever the reason I can think of..because I don't feel it.. at all.. like it is just.. purely an illusion. So is this how my life in Poly really going to be? Or will it change..  I wonder.. yet again

Its not easy to find someone you can really talk with.. talk to.. without feeling weird out.. or uncomfortable.. For that, I tend to offer such services to my friends and true they use it ..
But then.. when the bottle spins and its me who needs to talk... where could I find that "ear" and "heart" that truely listens...?

I look around..and once in awhile, friends like this do come about.. but literally..its once in awhile... Due to the fact that it is.. I am a Listener.. and I rather listen then talk.. so when it IS my turn to speak.. about myself.. how I feel.. cats stole my tounge right away..
Other then my split personalities(if you do notice) I personally ... really don't like talking.. ask me questions and I will answer... I can't talk like that..

For fear of boring out the people listening..
For fear of getting weird-eyed
For fear of people not believing
For fear of comparing..

Yes I hate comparing... the comparision of people vs people.. really absolutely hate it.. for everyone is different.. you cannot compare difference.. Its not like a bottle of water at two different shops.. same water different prices.. you cannot compare people that way.. its wrong.. if not for example.. but for fault.. still..

Rearanging my pictues.. seeing that how much time has passed.. little or a lot.. many things have happened.. good and bad... Entering the poly.. meeting Banshee.. the formation of the Mug@Mobs gang... then the OCH outing..which caused one of my greatest pain for what I have done unsensitively..to dear Xianying...and sadly.. I might still have not forgiven myself for that.. I hold gurges against myself like forever.. anyway.. that outing was cool. Events like food feast, spots day, or just pure slacking around.. then comes the Welfare interviewing.. each of us with High hopes that by sticking together .. in Welfare, our bonds would not break.. as it started, it surely seems like it will not.. then it happened.. Candice and Cheesiong ended.. and it let up to Candice leaving us totally. For me, I got up and bonded with everyone else that I can reach out to.. like almost everyone in Welfare right now.. started off with Matt, Junchai, Marcus and the rest followed...
I started back handeling problems of the heart.. deep and secret ones that each may have.. that they trust me to solve.. slowly but surely, the love for Welfare I had grew.. and its Welfare everyday.. after the AFR event... our very first event..
By then, Banshee had cease to exisit anymore. Its now Welfare. As the events pile up one by one, I put myself into each and everyone of them and help out if I can.. I love to..
Now the captain's ball is over too.. that marks our 3rd event coming, Chalet.

(Break.. pains overwhelming)